Are you a boy? Or a girl? Are you thinking, Mom do you not love me enough to know? Mom, you love Mariyah more than me? Mom, why did you __ for Mariayh but not me. Honey, let me start by saying that I vow to love and treat you as equal as your big sister.
Baby Center tells me today that you are about the size of a romaine lettuce. That you are not quite ready to make your arrival, but if you decide to, that you will be safe. That’s what the professionals have to say, but it’s not what mommy has to say.
If it’s one thing I know right now, on this day, I know that you are inside of me. Not only my body, but my heart. And there you are, just below my heart, the same heart that Mariyah heard. You know your momma, more than she possibly knows herself and you’re not even born.
I can promise you many things. I will promise that I will love you unconditionally. That I will be there for anything you need, from rocking you to sleep to helping you pick your wedding dress … or your wedding suit. I will promise to keep you safe from harm to the best of my ability. To kiss the ‘boo boos’ away and to hug you tight when you are having a rough day. My darling, there isn’t anything in the world I won’t do for you. I’m your mother. There is however a few promises that I can’t keep.
I can’t promise that everything you own will be new and unused. I can’t promise that there will be thousands of pictures of every moment, and/or milestone. I can’t promise your sister won’t be jealous; that she won’t blame you for things you didn’t do. Won’t let her play with her toys or use her things.
However, don’t let momma scare you. She is lovable, witty and there’s no doubt that she will be the best, and most protective sister she could be, even just at 2 years old. She may not remember the day she became a big sister, but you remember you fit perfectly in her heart, in all of our hearts.
For your father, I don’t tell him this enough, but he’s pretty awesome. Not as awesome as momma though, you’ll find out for yourself pretty soon, i’m sure you’ll agree! I seen him in action. He’ll be the one to allow you to stick your hands in his food, as momma sighs. He’s the one who will give you horsie rides around the house, as momma closes her eyes tight hoping you won’t fall. He’s the one who will let you make a big mess, and tell me to calm down when I shout. Your father loves you and hasn’t stopped smiling since he found out we were welcoming another beautiful child in our lives.
You, my little surprise baby, are a very lucky child. We’re not perfect and we’ll make some mistakes, but if it’s one thing I know, it’s that we will [hopefully] make far less mistakes than we did with your sister. This time around, we kind-of know what we are doing and if we seem like we don’t, well you’re stuck with us.
I may not have the nursery prepared or clothes folded neatly and put away like I did for your sister but I can do something that I could never do with my first pregnancy, and that is: I know what a mother’s love actually means.
Yes, your mother sure knows how to babble, better get used to it, so I will end this letter with one thing. As I anxiously count down the days when I can hold you in my arms, I dream of you. I don’t know if you can hear my prayers when I pray for God to protect you, or my whispers when I tell you good night, but know my child, that I love you.
Until we meet my little one,