Letter to my First-Born: I’m Sorry I Treat You Differently

Mariyah,

I’m sorry I yelled at you today.

I didn’t only yell at you, I scolded you. I thought you hurt your brother, so I grabbed him away from you and I screamed, “WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM!”

I walked out of the room for 30 seconds, then heard your brother scream. When I ran back into the room, I saw you over him, but now that I think about it, you were probably just  trying to console him.

After comforting him with a kiss on the forehead as I searched his face for some kind of mark, he giggled, and I gave him another kiss. Then, I looked at you. Your sad eyes spoke a thousand words as you watched me.

At that moment, time stopped. I over-reacted and acted like a jerk. There, I said it.

I know that we hugged it out and your two-year-old brain hadn’t allowed you to hold a grudge over me, and I hope to God you’ll never hold a grudge over me, but I still feel like a horrible person.

See, you’re my baby. You both are. You’re my first baby and he’s my second and my love for the two of you are no different. Maybe because he’s younger than you and defenseless, I treat him differently, but that doesn’t give me the excuse to yell at you the way that I did.

What i’m trying to say is that, I’m sorry for treating you differently than I do him. I confess that I do and I promise that I will do better at sharing my time between you two, equally. That’s the least you deserve. But always know, yesterday, today and tomorrow too, I love you no more than I do him and I love him no more than I do you.

Be patient with me, my dear. I’m new at this “mom of two” thing.

Love,

Your one and only momma

fourth of july

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